getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
