She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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