Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
