I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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