went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
