I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
