Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
