9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
