Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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