Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
