The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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