i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
