Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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