as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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