I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
