there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
