I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
