I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Come on in and take your pants off
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