Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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