Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
