You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
