I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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