Too much gin, very little bucket
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
