So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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