At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
