as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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