my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
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I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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