standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
