The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
