Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
