Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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