Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize