We need to start having sex underwater more often.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
