Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
