last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
