Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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