My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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