theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
