I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
this hospital has no fireball
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
