holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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