I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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