I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
