i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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