The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
