It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
