Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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