You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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