I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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