It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
