my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
