I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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