I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I still have a little drunk in my system
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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