The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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