shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
