Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
