I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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