Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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