Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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