She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
