ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
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Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
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I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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