God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
