I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
