I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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